Susan Calvillo: Writing with Twins

How did motherhood change your creative practice?

Even before I became a mother, I constantly wished I had more time to write. Of course, now looking back, I realize I did have more time in those before times. I went on long hikes for inspiration. I lived next to the beach and visited her every day. That had all been a part of my creative process. When I had my twins in 2020, I couldn’t afford to live by the beach anymore in my charming little one-bedroom illegal in-law unit. And I didn’t have the time to write every day. Now I treat my writing sessions for my books, short stories, and poems with the professionalism that I treat my paid work. I use timed writes and word count goals to keep my projects from stalling. I must. I only have certain days and certain hours that I can dedicate to writing my own works. I had previously thought doing timed writes would lead to sloppier writing. But really my process of editing-while-writing changed to writing unabashedly and editing afterward. And the truth is, I always edit afterward anyway, so it really benefited me to write a lot quickly and have more material to work with during the editing phase. I’m really looking forward to the day where I get my inspirational walks and my timed writes. I think I’ll be unstoppable.

(Excerpt from a recent poem)

More importantly though, I think motherhood has made my writing more honest, more raw. Issues that were subtly mentioned in my works previously, are now taking the main focus: bodily autonomy and abuse, self-love in all its forms—especially forms that don’t conform to stereotypical ideals, the challenges of being multi-marginalized. I’ve now also written a memoir-in-verse about the insanity of raising twins during a pandemic. And I dive into society’s unreasonable expectations on mothers and guardians. I felt very deceived when my wailing newborns arrived. Why had society allowed me to enter motherhood with such ignorance about the mother’s experience? My two little spuds are the best things that have ever happened to me, but I should have been more prepared. I should have had more support. The future of humanity depends on how we bring our children into the world, shouldn’t we all be more prepared and supported? It’s now my personal mission to be transparent about parenthood. I encourage other parents and guardians to be vulnerable and honest too, whether in their art or in private conversation. We will all benefit from pointing out society’s flaws, willing it to change.

Did you think of yourself as a creative kid? What does creativity look like for you these days?

Creativity has come in many forms for me. I remember writing and illustrating stories for fun in fourth grade. But even before that I acted out complex and dramatic scenes with my dolls and figurines. My sisters and I loved to sing and dance, and we’d come up with shows and force our parents to watch our home theater performances on holidays and birthdays. I played piano from a young age too, and before I decided to be an author, I’d wanted to be a singer/songwriter. Around ten years old, I wrote songs and sang them in public at clothing stores, in the shoe section, while my mom did her shopping. I was waiting to be “discovered.” I’d been told that child actors and singers got “discovered” before they got big, and I’d misinterpreted that to mean literally their brilliance was stumbled upon while going about their normal lives. I didn’t know that their parents groomed them and had connections in the film or music industry. I think back on this naïve attempt at my vocal artist career with fondness. I’m quite happy I so brilliantly failed at it. I went on to become a dancer, choreographer, and co-director of the dance company Universal Rhythm during high school. And I competed and taught dance for many years after for university and fitness programs. I still sing, dance, and play piano for fun. I love that I only do performing arts for fun and for self-expression. By not turning those arts into a career, I have reserved them for my own joy, comfort, and healing.

I can’t say the same for writing, not exactly. I’ve made a career of writing, editing, authoring, and producing books. I’ve produced print and digital books for educational publishers, ghostwritten tech and medical business manuscripts, and copyedited for indie presses. I often have to treat writing as work. Unlike the other arts, I sometimes have to take writing seriously. Even with my own manuscripts, I hold my writing to a different standard than I do with the other arts, which adds pressure to the process. And yet if I could only pick one craft to pursue for the rest of my life, it would probably be writing. Because I share my stories, the self-expression that exists in my writing has purpose beyond my own joy, comfort, and healing. In sharing it, I am extending that joy, comfort, and healing to my community. And storytelling and community go hand-in-hand. The shared experience is where the magic happens.

What do you do when you feel burnt out or filled with doubt?

Unfortunately, when I’m burnt out the first thing that goes is my writing. It can’t be helped. I have to balance my life between my loved ones, my paid work, and my own well-being. Writing is high up on the list, but can’t compete with those others. I carve time out of my days to write, but when a family member gets sick or I have a rush job to turn in, I have to let the writing go. And I forgive myself for it. I don’t think it will always be this way. Even if it is, I have my priorities.

I distract myself from doubt. I think I gained this approach from my dance company and hip-hop crew days. Even though I was on the team, I had to compete constantly within the groups to earn a spot on the stage. Each dance number only required so many dancers, so you auditioned against your peers for your spot. I won some and I lost some. And I didn’t dwell on the ones I lost. I just celebrated the dances that I got into. Now as an author, I am constantly submitting my poems and short stories to magazines. My full-length works are currently represented by Tobias Literary Agency. I always have something on submission, and as soon as I send it, I try to forget about it. I never doubt my work when it is on submission. I wouldn’t have sent it in the first place if I wasn’t hopeful about it. And if the piece comes back as a rejection, I can think, better luck on the next one. I purposely have multiple pieces out on submission at all times so that I cannot dwell, so I can always be looking ahead to the next opportunity. And when we get an acceptance, we get that hard-won celebration.

What’s inspiring you outside of your own genre?

I read so much science fiction that it’s easy to forget that I don’t write hard science fiction. I use elements, themes, and concepts of science fiction in some of my work, but it will probably not be classified that way. Still, I feel science fiction and speculative fiction—which I do write—are so entertaining and relevant to conversations about our society and the human condition. If you’re new to science fiction, I recommend the Monk & Robot Series by Becky Chambers which imagines a hopeful future in a world where robots have achieved self-awareness. The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells is a short but fast-paced mission about a part robot, part human Security Unit that would rather watch media than murder anyone. If you want a space opera, read The Expanse by James S. A. Corey or Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky. All of these texts have shown me great writing, pacing, character development, politics, and plot structure. Did I mention they're fun? They're all wild rides.

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Susan Calvillo is a Chinese/Mexican-American and a dead-on-her-feet mother of twin threenagers. Her writing is forthcoming in the Audacious Women Anthology, Mom Egg Review, Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, and other charming magazines. She enjoys adding books to her already insurmountable TBR list, and if not reading, she is likely reviewing books, dancing, or obsessing over desserts. The most embarrassing evidence of these acts can be viewed on TikTok @beardlessbard or on IG/X @susan_calvillo Keep reading at susancalvillo.com

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