Kate Lillie: Making Mistakes

Mothers Who Make Monday

What did you use to do during recess?

I had the most amazing best friend when I was little and we got up to all kinds of adventures together. We spent every playtime for a whole school term when we were about six trying to dig all the way through the earth from England to Australia, where our plan was to come out in McDonald's in Sydney and have another birthday party (we'd just had a joint birthday party at our local McDonald's and we'd both been wowed by the experience, especially the cake and the kitchen tour). We also spent a long time trying to teach ourselves to fly, by jumping off higher and higher obstacles - mostly steps and stairs. We were convinced that the only reason adults couldn't fly was because they stopped believing they could. Luckily my friend's mum stopped us before we tried to fly off the roof of her garden shed or I suspect we might have ended up with a broken bone or two. We also played normal games - lots of imaginary play, whether we were being falcons or Ghostbusters or something completely different. I love how kids have the ability to get completely lost in their imagination and how free they are creatively.

Did you think of yourself as a creative kid?

I didn't, but only in the sense that I didn't really think of the word creative as a label to apply to people (I still don't). I took it for granted that I was creative - that we all were - even if I wouldn't have been able to articulate it at the time and I still believe now that we are all creative in different ways. I think the way that we often use ‘creative’ as a descriptor (when often what we mean is 'artistic')  isn't accurate and leads to lots of people feeling inadequate as well as limiting all of us by confining the idea of creativity into one small sphere when in reality creativity is much more expansive and generous than that.

What does creativity look like for you these days?

These days I get to be creative in so many ways - I write a newsletter where I share five themed book recommendations each month - reading had always been a huge passion of mine, so it feels really joyful to share it with others - and I'm working on other writing projects too; I'm teaching myself drawing, watercolour and digital illustration; I cook every day for my family (I think cooking is underrated as a creative endeavour); I take photos which I share on Instagram. I get dressed! I love that clothes can be a form of creative expression too. For a long time I worked in a  corporate career with ridiculously long working hours and I missed the feeling of being creative so badly - and then later, after I'd left that career behind, I realised that throughout that period I'd been dressing creatively the whole time. My creativity was right there and expressing itself even when I didn't realise it. It made me look at creativity in a whole new way. Now I live out in the countryside and all my beautiful city clothes are in storage but I still love getting dressed and compiling an outfit, even if I'm unlikely to wear any of my (many, many) high heels ever again.

How much time do you get to work on creative projects? Tell us about a day in your life, how do you fit in creative moments?

I have both less time than I'd like and also more than I expected. I have a very energetic toddler and I am the primary caregiver (we have no childcare) so I work around what he needs on any given day, which means I'm always working in the margins.

Nicole Gulotta

was the first writer I really saw naming this and I found it so helpful). My writing time tends to be when he's napping, usually across my lap, so I'm glad I can write on my phone. I often manage to squeeze in a bit of sketching/painting time before breakfast while he's playing and sometimes after lunch - essentially any time he's playing independently I can do a little bit. Sometimes if I'm lucky I wake up before he does and when that happens I can do some writing or some digital drawing while I wait for him to wake up, but I would be lying if I said that happens often. I’ve made a conscious choice to try and cherish every moment with him, since the time passes so quickly, so he is always my first priority and I work my creative time around him.

I found it tricky at first working in such small, scattered increments because I was holding onto this belief that I needed blocks of time where creativity could flow but once I let go of that idea and started working with what my life was actually like, things just clicked and took on a life of their own. The one thing I haven't quite figured out yet is how to do embroidery - needles, embroidery scissors and colourful bundles of thread seem to be catnip for toddlers, I'm finding so far.

How did motherhood change your creative practice?

Motherhood has really opened up things for me. When I was younger I worked in mixed media, I drew, I painted, I embroidered, I made jewellery - I love anything arty or crafty. I also used to write, both fiction and creative non-fiction but once my career took off I found myself with so little time for anything outside of work. I also had this very limiting belief that I needed to wait until things were perfect before I could start - I needed the perfect materials to draw with, or the perfect time and atmosphere for writing, or the perfect circumstances before I could take any action. Motherhood quickly made me realise that waiting for the perfect anything would mean doing nothing and that has been such a gift - I feel much freer knowing that I can just get stuck in and start. Who cares if I only have time to write a single chapter and it's not as great as I'd hoped? Who cares if my sketches are wobbly and full of mistakes?  None of it matters, not really. What matters is the process of creating and the joy you experience through it. The output is just a wonderful bonus.

What do you hope your kids will learn about creativity from you?

I want my son to grow up feeling the joy of being creative, whatever that looks like for him. I want him to know that you don't have to be good at something to find it joyful or satisfying - in fact, knowing that you're not great at something and doing it anyway can be more fun because it's so free from pressure. And creativity - of any type - is also great for showing us that the more we practice, the more we improve. If I look at my sketches from when I started compared to where I am now there's a big difference and I only returned to it recently; seeing yourself get better at something over time, or seeing your style change as your knowledge deepens is such a great lesson for life generally. And I also want him to know that creativity will always meet you where you are - it never leaves you but rather sneaks in when you're not looking and finds a way to express itself through you, even if you don't realise it. I think that's such a gift.

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Kate Lillie is a writer, artist, wife, mother, sister, daughter, niece and friend who lives in Seville (also known as 'the hottest bit of Spain’), with her husband, son, dog and mostly-feral cat. She shares a monthly set of themed book recommendations at Five Books For, a newsletter for people who love great stories, and is in the process of trying to get various other art and writing projects off the ground in-between looking after a rather rambunctious toddler and disposing of the feral cat's "gifts". If she had a marketing tagline, it would be "Kate Lillie - so many ideas, so little time". One day she hopes to have enough hands-free time to get back into textile crafts but until then you'll find her working in the margins, often writing on her phone or drawing with one hand while using the other to support the head of the sleeping toddler sprawled across her. It should be noted that her bio photo was taken a few years ago when she still actually slept through the night, an occurrence which is now unheard of.

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