The day will never arrive when you finally have everything under control.... Mostly this makes me want to scream. Then I think--who ever told me that was the goal? Lol. I think I'll be "happier" if I get everything under control. But if I'm honest, I really think it will somehow prove my worthiness? Like I'm finally "achieving" my potential...
But when I think of it like this: all of this striving for control is actually making me miserable. Then I think I might actually get somewhere. 😅
I don’t feel like it’s possible to get everything under control, but I am overwhelmed by the social pressure to believe it’s possible! I wish everyone could just admit it’s not possible and we could all just breathe! There’s so much cognitive dissonance with knowing something isn’t possible and everyone else acting like it is possible! And it’s in every area of life. Careers. Parenting. Health. We don’t have control on the macro or micro level for most of it!
Me just jumping up and down over here. You know I love his work.
I have found it so helpful for so many areas of my life. But especially right now as I am still recovering from my shoulder surgery. I am in intensive physical therapy that takes hours a day, it's been helpful to return to his ideas and helps settle me down when I get worked up on "all the things I am not doing" right now.
Yes! That pressure to “get back to real life” and get stuff done is so intense. I feel it whenever I’m sick or have an endo flare. Even when I know it’s just made up pressure, it still feels real. His work really lays the absurdness of it out bare. Looking forward to seeing you in the comments! 💛
It’s so easy to do! I have spent a lot of my life recovering from different things; Four Thousand Weeks is my favourite read for those times. It always helps me relax into recovery.
That’s such a great idea. When we get sick or injured, our minds tend to get really judgy and intense about all the things it thinks should be in our control but aren’t!
Ahh! Meditations for Mortals really helped me re-assess my creative and professional priorities after my daughter was born. Listening to it was the exact challenge that I needed at that time. Love that you’re doing this series/book club!
I wasn’t sure if there would be enough for a full book after 4,000 Weeks, but it still felt really fresh and helpful. Maybe even more practical too. I’m planning to get to Meditations after we work our way through 4,000 Weeks.
Heidi, you'll have to forgive me for geeking out a bit here, but I've been a long-time Burkeman fan going back at least a decade (!) from his weekly Guardian columns and I would highly recommend all his books to you and his readers. In fact, I still think The Antidote is my favourite, and his collection of articles in Help! is well worth reading. I'm so glad he's been getting the recognition and acclaim he at long last deserves.
As for his idea that “the day will never arrive when you finally have everything under control,” I think that's bang on, unless you're facing a terminal diagnosis (I can only speculate) and reach the point where you realise that there's no point in thinking you need to have anything under control. That's the time when you just have to let it go and accept your fate...I guess? For now, every day is an ongoing battle to accept that things will always be messy and that, as OB says, we're all just 'winging it.'
It would be poor etiquette and dreadfully tacky to link to one of my own posts (so I shan't), but i f you are so inclined, my OB-themed post is easy enough to find (This advice might – possibly – change your life (part 2))
I’m so glad to hear your ringing endorsement for The Antidote. I wasn’t sure if it was more influenced by his columns, which I think were written when he thought time management was still possible. (Just the phrase time management is filled with hubris!)
And feel free to link! The more OB discussions the better. OB fans unite!
Funnily, even though I have read both Help! and The Antidote twice each, both times were well before 4,000 Weeks, so I wonder what I would think of them now (and I'm slowly listening to Meditations for Mortals, more like one chapter every few days). I'm curious to go back now and revisit his time management thoughts.
btw, one thing in 4,000 Weeks which I'm eager to do is his art gallery experiment. I keep vowing to do it, but just need to find a good chunk of free time (haha).
I recently purchased 4,000 Weeks on audio, so this discussion will give me the push to start listening. I heard Burkeman interviewed on the Ezra Klein Show podcast, and the idea that successful people are sometimes simply people who have an anxiety disorder and who are harnessed for productivity resonated with me. I'm not really "successful" in that way, but I definitely feel that "anxiety coupled with a pressure to produce" defines my thoughts about myself and my life.
I heard that interview too! So many of Burkeman's ideas feel outright subversive because our culture is built around the idea that if you work hard enough, you will be successful, and if you're not successful, it's because you didn't work hard enough. I find it really tricky to back away from those ideas and know what I believe. I think OB does a nice job giving me a way in to another perspective.
Have you read Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey? It’s less relaxing to read than Four Thousand Weeks 😂 The comments here on productivity, anxiety and success remind me of Tricia Hersey’s argument that a nap is undermining the capitalist machine. She really politicises it - shes a rest activist. She is so against hustle and grind culture as it mostly serves a harmful system, and the people in it who exploit others. Growth above all else. I think these ideas of working hard and success are so damaging in so many ways. They drive a lot of damaging thinking, including ableism, because they bring all sorts of value judgements based on working hard and success, and also productivity. If we’re less productive, does that mean we’re less valuable? So I love your choice of the word subversive!
These two authors’ suggest that being an anti- capitalist can mean defining your own not to do list and going for a nap, and making those choices also means you’re taking care of yourself.
I struggle to reconcile these ideas with how we get out of our current economic slump in the UK, which seems to depend on increasing productivity and output. Or else bringing a lot of people back to work, many of whom think that they can’t any longer. I think that ‘pressure to produce’ needs to be considered if we’re going to have the inclusive work places that many people need. I guess where I’m coming to is that work is a bit like salt. Too little is bland, too much is - well, too much. But the current pressures aren’t really combining to help people find their ideal level. The people that manage to do that have to resist or ignore a lot of those pressures. They’re the exception that proves the rule.
I relate to all of this so much! I follow her on Instagram and have her deck of cards. It’s one thing to know and believe that rest is a form of resistance or even just that there are limits to our time and energy. It’s another thing to integrate that into the intense pressures of daily life and the NEED to make money. We can’t skip needing money. Just like we can’t skip needing rest!
Yes, I think the lacing is hard. I also wonder if money is a form of energy. I saw a quote somewhere that money is a tool, not the goal. Freedom is the goal. That’s what money unlocks: freedom. It perhaps also helps to define “enough.”
You’re welcome to follow along without reading them, but I highly recommend checking them out from the library. They’re so good! And honestly really easy reads considering how deep they go.
The day will never arrive when you finally have everything under control.... Mostly this makes me want to scream. Then I think--who ever told me that was the goal? Lol. I think I'll be "happier" if I get everything under control. But if I'm honest, I really think it will somehow prove my worthiness? Like I'm finally "achieving" my potential...
But when I think of it like this: all of this striving for control is actually making me miserable. Then I think I might actually get somewhere. 😅
I don’t feel like it’s possible to get everything under control, but I am overwhelmed by the social pressure to believe it’s possible! I wish everyone could just admit it’s not possible and we could all just breathe! There’s so much cognitive dissonance with knowing something isn’t possible and everyone else acting like it is possible! And it’s in every area of life. Careers. Parenting. Health. We don’t have control on the macro or micro level for most of it!
My favourite idea from the book is that “missing out is what makes our choices meaningful in the first place.”
I wrote about a couple of reframes that come from that - you can see those here : https://loushackleton.substack.com/p/the-messy-stuff-fear-of-missing-out
I underlined that part too! It is a really helpful way to think of FOMO. Thank you for sharing!
Me just jumping up and down over here. You know I love his work.
I have found it so helpful for so many areas of my life. But especially right now as I am still recovering from my shoulder surgery. I am in intensive physical therapy that takes hours a day, it's been helpful to return to his ideas and helps settle me down when I get worked up on "all the things I am not doing" right now.
Yes! That pressure to “get back to real life” and get stuff done is so intense. I feel it whenever I’m sick or have an endo flare. Even when I know it’s just made up pressure, it still feels real. His work really lays the absurdness of it out bare. Looking forward to seeing you in the comments! 💛
It’s so easy to do! I have spent a lot of my life recovering from different things; Four Thousand Weeks is my favourite read for those times. It always helps me relax into recovery.
That’s such a great idea. When we get sick or injured, our minds tend to get really judgy and intense about all the things it thinks should be in our control but aren’t!
Ahh! Meditations for Mortals really helped me re-assess my creative and professional priorities after my daughter was born. Listening to it was the exact challenge that I needed at that time. Love that you’re doing this series/book club!
I wasn’t sure if there would be enough for a full book after 4,000 Weeks, but it still felt really fresh and helpful. Maybe even more practical too. I’m planning to get to Meditations after we work our way through 4,000 Weeks.
Heidi, you'll have to forgive me for geeking out a bit here, but I've been a long-time Burkeman fan going back at least a decade (!) from his weekly Guardian columns and I would highly recommend all his books to you and his readers. In fact, I still think The Antidote is my favourite, and his collection of articles in Help! is well worth reading. I'm so glad he's been getting the recognition and acclaim he at long last deserves.
As for his idea that “the day will never arrive when you finally have everything under control,” I think that's bang on, unless you're facing a terminal diagnosis (I can only speculate) and reach the point where you realise that there's no point in thinking you need to have anything under control. That's the time when you just have to let it go and accept your fate...I guess? For now, every day is an ongoing battle to accept that things will always be messy and that, as OB says, we're all just 'winging it.'
It would be poor etiquette and dreadfully tacky to link to one of my own posts (so I shan't), but i f you are so inclined, my OB-themed post is easy enough to find (This advice might – possibly – change your life (part 2))
I’m so glad to hear your ringing endorsement for The Antidote. I wasn’t sure if it was more influenced by his columns, which I think were written when he thought time management was still possible. (Just the phrase time management is filled with hubris!)
And feel free to link! The more OB discussions the better. OB fans unite!
Funnily, even though I have read both Help! and The Antidote twice each, both times were well before 4,000 Weeks, so I wonder what I would think of them now (and I'm slowly listening to Meditations for Mortals, more like one chapter every few days). I'm curious to go back now and revisit his time management thoughts.
btw, one thing in 4,000 Weeks which I'm eager to do is his art gallery experiment. I keep vowing to do it, but just need to find a good chunk of free time (haha).
Okay, if you insist: 😂
https://danielpuzzo.substack.com/p/this-advice-might-possibly-change
I’m adding The Antidote to my list now.
I did a version of the art experiment in college. I forget how long we were told to look. Maybe more like an hour. But the experience stayed with me!
I recently purchased 4,000 Weeks on audio, so this discussion will give me the push to start listening. I heard Burkeman interviewed on the Ezra Klein Show podcast, and the idea that successful people are sometimes simply people who have an anxiety disorder and who are harnessed for productivity resonated with me. I'm not really "successful" in that way, but I definitely feel that "anxiety coupled with a pressure to produce" defines my thoughts about myself and my life.
I heard that interview too! So many of Burkeman's ideas feel outright subversive because our culture is built around the idea that if you work hard enough, you will be successful, and if you're not successful, it's because you didn't work hard enough. I find it really tricky to back away from those ideas and know what I believe. I think OB does a nice job giving me a way in to another perspective.
Have you read Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey? It’s less relaxing to read than Four Thousand Weeks 😂 The comments here on productivity, anxiety and success remind me of Tricia Hersey’s argument that a nap is undermining the capitalist machine. She really politicises it - shes a rest activist. She is so against hustle and grind culture as it mostly serves a harmful system, and the people in it who exploit others. Growth above all else. I think these ideas of working hard and success are so damaging in so many ways. They drive a lot of damaging thinking, including ableism, because they bring all sorts of value judgements based on working hard and success, and also productivity. If we’re less productive, does that mean we’re less valuable? So I love your choice of the word subversive!
These two authors’ suggest that being an anti- capitalist can mean defining your own not to do list and going for a nap, and making those choices also means you’re taking care of yourself.
I struggle to reconcile these ideas with how we get out of our current economic slump in the UK, which seems to depend on increasing productivity and output. Or else bringing a lot of people back to work, many of whom think that they can’t any longer. I think that ‘pressure to produce’ needs to be considered if we’re going to have the inclusive work places that many people need. I guess where I’m coming to is that work is a bit like salt. Too little is bland, too much is - well, too much. But the current pressures aren’t really combining to help people find their ideal level. The people that manage to do that have to resist or ignore a lot of those pressures. They’re the exception that proves the rule.
I relate to all of this so much! I follow her on Instagram and have her deck of cards. It’s one thing to know and believe that rest is a form of resistance or even just that there are limits to our time and energy. It’s another thing to integrate that into the intense pressures of daily life and the NEED to make money. We can’t skip needing money. Just like we can’t skip needing rest!
Yes, I think the lacing is hard. I also wonder if money is a form of energy. I saw a quote somewhere that money is a tool, not the goal. Freedom is the goal. That’s what money unlocks: freedom. It perhaps also helps to define “enough.”
I love this, Heidi!! I think this is exactly the kind of book I could use right now.
Oh yay! Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on it. I think it will resonate with you! 💛
I haven't read any of those, but I might consider it. Thanks for sharing :)
You’re welcome to follow along without reading them, but I highly recommend checking them out from the library. They’re so good! And honestly really easy reads considering how deep they go.