Such a wonderful post Heidi - I know this post applies to writing but I feel like this advice can apply to so many other things too, it's one giant permission slip to be kinder to ourselves ❤️. I so relate to the 'wanting to write but not having time to write' then feeling bad about that. But like you say, motherhood and our children's needs are ever evolving so sometimes it's easier than other times to find that time, well and inspiration. X
It definitely applies to other parts of our lives. I went into motherhood feeling like my job was to keep all the parts of my life I had before moving forward, just as I had before. But of course even people without kids need writing breaks, and it’s unrealistic to think you can do everything you did before plus kids. It took me a while to believe and appreciate that and not see it as a failure.
I've been a writer for as long as I can remember. I've actually tried to remember when I began to write recently, but can't, it's just always been a part of me. I studied journalism at university and wrote as part of my career for years, alongside keeping personal blogs. I had my first son in 2019 and felt like I'd run out of words. When they came back, I couldn't find a comfortable way of expressing them - I suddenly felt like everything I produced was too earnest, I'd lost my 'voice' and I didn't know what my boundaries were in terms of what I was happy to share about my life with a child and what I wasn't happy to share. After my second son was born, I found the inspiration to write again, but still struggled with those boundaries - during that time I did loads of training in things like infant sleep and baby massage, and started running my own classes. Strangely enough, it was though that that I found a passion other than writing, and therefore found my comfort zone - now I write about motherhood and babies generally, with more of an informational tone than I'd ever have done before, and am able to share about my own life within that zone without becoming a 'mummy blogger' (nothing against mummy bloggers, I just have anxiety about over sharing about my kids!)
It's been a real journey for me, and I feel like the long, accidental breaks really helped me to get to a place of 'i need to write to be myself, and it's ok if not everyone wants to read it.'
I will say though, after the birth of my third (five months ago) my brain turned to mush and the actual act of writing became very difficult. I just couldn't form sentences anymore and kept forgetting the meaning of words. Previously I could sit down for a few hours, write an entire piece, edit it, be happy and finished, and move on. Now it takes me weeks to reach that point, and I'm still not convinced I've done a good enough job. It's always evolving, isn't it? Motherhood, and writing.
Definitely always evolving. And baby brain is real! I say that as someone who adopted seven years ago. My brain still doesn't work the way it used to, but I have to believe my experience and wisdom are compensating somehow.
I totally understand what you mean about finding those boundaries too. I want to share my own experiences, but I also want to publish things that I can imagine my son reading later and feeling good about. It can also be hard to know what's me worrying about being too earnest or sentimental and what's our culture undervaluing motherhood and caring for someone. When I get it right, I like being able to shine a light on a topic that's often dismissed as too simple or easy to write about.
I found that after my first I kept working on young adult novels but after my second I got so burned out trying to write and parent and be in the middle of a pandemic. I actually ending up shifting my writing much more into poetry, though I still have some ideas for novels. Also, after an extra-exhausting year last year, I decided that for most of December and January I wasn’t going to push myself to write, but to rest and refill the well instead. And I actually found myself jotting down ideas anyway but there was no pressure.
That sounds very wise. And I’ve heard other mothers say they could hold a poem in their head, even when writing a novel felt out of reach. It’s not the same but it can still be sustaining and meaningful. Adapting and experimenting is part of the process. 💛
Yes, I related to Jess, who stopped teaching and then felt inspired. I felt like that's what happened to me. But also Each baby And delivery is so different and I found that with this one was really hard to get anything done in the beginning.
Such a wonderful post Heidi - I know this post applies to writing but I feel like this advice can apply to so many other things too, it's one giant permission slip to be kinder to ourselves ❤️. I so relate to the 'wanting to write but not having time to write' then feeling bad about that. But like you say, motherhood and our children's needs are ever evolving so sometimes it's easier than other times to find that time, well and inspiration. X
It definitely applies to other parts of our lives. I went into motherhood feeling like my job was to keep all the parts of my life I had before moving forward, just as I had before. But of course even people without kids need writing breaks, and it’s unrealistic to think you can do everything you did before plus kids. It took me a while to believe and appreciate that and not see it as a failure.
I loved every word of this.
I've been a writer for as long as I can remember. I've actually tried to remember when I began to write recently, but can't, it's just always been a part of me. I studied journalism at university and wrote as part of my career for years, alongside keeping personal blogs. I had my first son in 2019 and felt like I'd run out of words. When they came back, I couldn't find a comfortable way of expressing them - I suddenly felt like everything I produced was too earnest, I'd lost my 'voice' and I didn't know what my boundaries were in terms of what I was happy to share about my life with a child and what I wasn't happy to share. After my second son was born, I found the inspiration to write again, but still struggled with those boundaries - during that time I did loads of training in things like infant sleep and baby massage, and started running my own classes. Strangely enough, it was though that that I found a passion other than writing, and therefore found my comfort zone - now I write about motherhood and babies generally, with more of an informational tone than I'd ever have done before, and am able to share about my own life within that zone without becoming a 'mummy blogger' (nothing against mummy bloggers, I just have anxiety about over sharing about my kids!)
It's been a real journey for me, and I feel like the long, accidental breaks really helped me to get to a place of 'i need to write to be myself, and it's ok if not everyone wants to read it.'
I will say though, after the birth of my third (five months ago) my brain turned to mush and the actual act of writing became very difficult. I just couldn't form sentences anymore and kept forgetting the meaning of words. Previously I could sit down for a few hours, write an entire piece, edit it, be happy and finished, and move on. Now it takes me weeks to reach that point, and I'm still not convinced I've done a good enough job. It's always evolving, isn't it? Motherhood, and writing.
Definitely always evolving. And baby brain is real! I say that as someone who adopted seven years ago. My brain still doesn't work the way it used to, but I have to believe my experience and wisdom are compensating somehow.
I totally understand what you mean about finding those boundaries too. I want to share my own experiences, but I also want to publish things that I can imagine my son reading later and feeling good about. It can also be hard to know what's me worrying about being too earnest or sentimental and what's our culture undervaluing motherhood and caring for someone. When I get it right, I like being able to shine a light on a topic that's often dismissed as too simple or easy to write about.
This is so lovely - it's a little bit of grace...
Thank you! We all deserve it and need it.
I found that after my first I kept working on young adult novels but after my second I got so burned out trying to write and parent and be in the middle of a pandemic. I actually ending up shifting my writing much more into poetry, though I still have some ideas for novels. Also, after an extra-exhausting year last year, I decided that for most of December and January I wasn’t going to push myself to write, but to rest and refill the well instead. And I actually found myself jotting down ideas anyway but there was no pressure.
That sounds very wise. And I’ve heard other mothers say they could hold a poem in their head, even when writing a novel felt out of reach. It’s not the same but it can still be sustaining and meaningful. Adapting and experimenting is part of the process. 💛
Loved this so much, was so nice to see everyone's responses
Thank you, Reem! I hope we can all be gentler with ourselves.
Yes, I related to Jess, who stopped teaching and then felt inspired. I felt like that's what happened to me. But also Each baby And delivery is so different and I found that with this one was really hard to get anything done in the beginning.
Yes! If anything the only thing we can expect is that it will be unpredictable and we need to respond as life unfolds.
This is so good. So encouraging. I love hearing from other writers in the trenches.
Yes! We hear more about the flows than the ebbs, but they’re a part of the process too.
I found this so encouraging! Thank you for the permission to take a break, whether it’s accidentally or on purpose.
I'm so glad, Rosalee! We all deserve to take writing breaks without feeling like we're bad writers.