This is such a thoughtful piece. I love your tone and I can tell you’ve thought about this topic for a while. There’s someone in my life whose child is currently being evaluated for ASD and your post has made me feel more empowered in being able to show up for her in this time. Thank you!!
Oh that makes me so happy! Thank you for sharing that. I know it can feel intimidating from the other side. I definitely didn’t understand all this before my son got his diagnosis. Just knowing it’s a big deal for your friend and looking for ways to help is amazing!
As the friend with non-autistic kids, I have to say this is hard to do, especially long distance. The friendship feels very one-sided sometimes because my friend (understandably) has less time to invest or ask about my life. Every phone call became so depressing and draining for me. Her whole life has become consumed by her children’s health, so when you say “remind us that we’re multi-dimensional people”, I feel like she’s lost that. It’s hard to share any of my own parenting struggles or wins with her because everything pales in comparison (as you said, you don’t want to hear about college concerns). How do you maintain a mutual friendship? I think these suggestions sound great; I am just really grieving the loss of a friendship I thought would be life-long and we would share this journey of motherhood together and now we just really can’t. 😢
That totally makes sense. I'm guessing she might be grieving too. I have a mom friend who I really love and adore, but I know she just doesn't get it. We both still try to stay in touch with Marco Polos. That lets us respond on our own time. Another friend and I send each other voice memos. Another friend just sends me funny memes on Instagram. It's not perfect, but I'm still glad to have them in my life.
I also have friends who are overwhelmed and too depressed or struggling with chronic illness to really show up in my life much right now. That makes me sad, but I'm hoping we might reconnect later in life when we're both in a different place. I wish I had more time and energy to help them, but we are all working within the constraints of our lives, and hopefully they feel loved and supported by me, even if I can't show up for them the way I want to right now.
This is a question I've had for a while! Thank you.
I’m so glad it’s helpful! Feel free to add any other things you or your friend have found helpful in the comments.
What a helpful list, thank you for putting this together it is such a usual thing to have and be and to refer to.
I’m so glad you found it helpful! Please feel free to share it with anyone who might need a nudge 💛
This is such a thoughtful piece. I love your tone and I can tell you’ve thought about this topic for a while. There’s someone in my life whose child is currently being evaluated for ASD and your post has made me feel more empowered in being able to show up for her in this time. Thank you!!
Oh that makes me so happy! Thank you for sharing that. I know it can feel intimidating from the other side. I definitely didn’t understand all this before my son got his diagnosis. Just knowing it’s a big deal for your friend and looking for ways to help is amazing!
Yes, yes, yes 🙌🏻
These are good tips. Seems obvious but this advice is needed 💖
Thanks for reading and sharing! I wish people didn't need an explainer on this, but hopefully it will help someone somewhere!
I hope so too!
Thank you for this! Struggling at the moment (everyone in the r household is ND and tired).
OMG SOOOOOO tired. Zombie tired. I hear you.
Such a thoughtful list. Thank you Heidi!
Thanks for reading and sharing, Olivia! 💛
As the friend with non-autistic kids, I have to say this is hard to do, especially long distance. The friendship feels very one-sided sometimes because my friend (understandably) has less time to invest or ask about my life. Every phone call became so depressing and draining for me. Her whole life has become consumed by her children’s health, so when you say “remind us that we’re multi-dimensional people”, I feel like she’s lost that. It’s hard to share any of my own parenting struggles or wins with her because everything pales in comparison (as you said, you don’t want to hear about college concerns). How do you maintain a mutual friendship? I think these suggestions sound great; I am just really grieving the loss of a friendship I thought would be life-long and we would share this journey of motherhood together and now we just really can’t. 😢
That totally makes sense. I'm guessing she might be grieving too. I have a mom friend who I really love and adore, but I know she just doesn't get it. We both still try to stay in touch with Marco Polos. That lets us respond on our own time. Another friend and I send each other voice memos. Another friend just sends me funny memes on Instagram. It's not perfect, but I'm still glad to have them in my life.
I also have friends who are overwhelmed and too depressed or struggling with chronic illness to really show up in my life much right now. That makes me sad, but I'm hoping we might reconnect later in life when we're both in a different place. I wish I had more time and energy to help them, but we are all working within the constraints of our lives, and hopefully they feel loved and supported by me, even if I can't show up for them the way I want to right now.