What We Pack for Doctor's Appointments

Preparing me and my son

One of my biggest frustrations with parenting advice is that it often amounts to a bunch of experts telling us that if you just do everything right, your child will be calm and agreeable all the time. Just use the right phrase. Find the right tone. Figure out their sensory needs. Get in front of the melt downs. The implication is that if your child is overwhelmed or dysregulated that you just haven’t taken enough classes or planned ahead properly. I understand why that’s a tempting world view, but I don’t think it’s accurate. If there was a magic phrase, we would all be using it! Even when we get everything right, there are good reasons why our kids might be overwhelmed or need to freak out for a bit. None of us are immune to stress, as much as we might try, and somethings really are meltdown worthy.

We have two big doctor’s appointments scheduled for my son this month, and I’m trying not to dread them. Doctor’s visits are intense for both of us. Demands are high, and time is limited. We’re out in public, so I do whatever I can to help things go smoothly, knowing there might still be meltdowns, and that’s ok. Over the years, I’ve realized preparing myself is as important as preparing my son.

I truly hope you don’t have to go to these kinds of appointments, but if you do, please know you’re not alone if you dread them too. If you try these ideas and one of them makes life a little easier on your end, please let me know. Here’s what I did to prepare for our appointments this month.

Before

For Me

I do everything I can ahead of time, making notes and printing them, calling the office to ask questions and give them a heads up that my son might need extra support. I always take time to organize my thoughts, so I can present things efficiently and accurately. If my husband can’t come along, I know my attention will be split between the doctor and my son, so I do my best to think through what I want to get out of the appointment. I also try to take a walk and plan take a little time off, so I'll have the reserves I need to comfort my son, whatever happens during the visit.

For Him

Deciding when to tell my son we’re going to the doctor is tricky. I want to give him time to get used to the idea and know what to expect. But knowing an appointment is coming up can cause extra anxiety and make that time feel more stressful for everyone. If he’s going in for a procedure, I might make a social story, which is basically a customized PDF walking him through what will happen. Throughout the year, I try to point out when someone else goes to the doctor too and make it feel normal. I answer questions as they come up and tell him it makes sense to be scared, but he doesn’t need to worry.

During

For Me

The waiting room can be one of the hardest parts of the visit. My attention is completely focused on keeping my son occupied and calm. Now that he’s older, he likes playing with the apps on my phone, but we’ve had long waits where nothing felt fun or distracting. In those cases, I ask if we can at least wait in the exam room, instead of in the larger waiting room. That is usually a more comfortable place for my son, and I don’t have to worry about chasing after him.

For Him

Do I have a strategy for this? It feels like I’m diffusing a bomb while someone is trying to tell me about climate change in Mongolian. I can’t care for my son or listen to the doctor the way I want to. So if I have a strategy, I suppose it’s to follow my son’s lead. Talk if he wants to talk. Zone out and watch something on my phone if he is into it. Let him climb on the chairs if he wants to move. Watch for signs of overwhelm. Do my best to talk with him, not about him, when the doctor comes in. Hold him close if he’ll let me. Whether it’s a procedure, a consult, or an evaluation, this is the climax of the visit. It’s intense, but it also feels passive and powerless. All we can do is hope it’s over soon.

After

For Me

Once we are done with the appointment, my focus is on getting us to the bathroom, then the parking lot, navigating Boston traffic, and driving home. I try to give us both a lot of compliments and high fives. Sometimes we take a selfie, proud of ourselves, no matter how the appointment went.

I usually need to download my husband on the whatever happened and Polo my friend to start processing the appointment. If I can, I’ll take a walk right away too, but sometimes that’s not possible. I try to let the next day be a rest day and give myself some alone time. After being needed so much and doing my best to pay attention and advocate, I am usually exhausted.

For Him

Our son doesn’t really care about sweets or going to the movies, but he does love escalators and car washes, so I’ll try to take him to one or the other after we have an appointment. Then hopefully there’s a long drive home, and he can nap in the car a bit. He often falls asleep alarmingly fast after being at the doctor’s office.

Sometimes my son will have a delayed response to an appointment. He might be so glad to get out of there that and get back to his routine that it seems like he is fine. But a few days later, I’ll notice he’s extra anxious and wild. We might talk about the appointment more, but I also like to have a few new toys on hand, whatever feels distracting and fun. (Honestly new toys are fun for me too, and it feels like we deserve a treat! Have you seen this one???) Again having a plan helps me, even if it doesn’t really help him. I know when things get rough, I can go to the rainy-day basket, pull something out, and muster up some enthusiasm for crafts. (We’re going to try this one next.) Being able to picture that moment is a reassuring light when so much feels heavy and hard.

Packing List

No toy is going to distract someone from a truly horrendous procedure, but having a variety of toys to pick and choose from can be a welcome outlet for nervous energy before and after a visit.

• Visual schedule

• Lunchbox and snacks for both of us

• Water bottles and iced tea or matcha

• Charged Yoto and a few cards

• Headphones, Loops earplugs, or sunglasses

• Small sensory toys—I recommend bringing mostly comforting favorites and having a few new things tucked away if you anticipate a long wait.

• Favorite lovey (Bigfoot is such a good friend!)

• Timer (My son likes to be able to watch the minutes counting down and see the appointment is almost over)

• Coloring book, crayons, and stickers

• Extra set of clothes

• Potty, stool, or whatever else you need to access the bathrooms

• Any notes or data you need to share with the doctor