Sunita Theiss: Writing Poems for Yourself

Did you think of yourself as a creative kid? What does creativity look like for you these days?

You know, I didn’t. I always thought of myself as someone who had creative aspirations, but I didn’t take myself seriously or believe in myself very much.

I’m not sure how this became the story I told myself, but I was so afraid of being vulnerable or letting anyone know I would actually have been so thrilled to spend my days writing and doodling. I remember writing poems and tearing them up or painting something so full of emotion and throwing it away. I’m grateful my dad made it a habit to document some of the earliest poems I wrote, or I’d have lost them completely.

These days, I don’t have as much concentrated or dedicated time to pour into creative pursuits, but I delight in the little moments I do get. Recently, it’s felt like I’m reaching inward and embracing that younger Sunita—as if I’m saying, Hey, you’re not too much. You can’t possibly do this the wrong way. Your vulnerability is beautiful, and being perfect was never supposed to be the goal. 

Earlier this month, I tried my hand at painting for the first time in probably twenty years (excluding those sip and paint nights I’ve done with friends). I am doubtful that it was a “technically” good piece, but it was fun and messy, and I absolutely plan to do more of it. 

Most of my poetry is written in haphazardly assembled notes on my phone. Sometimes I just use speech to text to catalog an idea, and it can be downright hilarious to decipher what a previously sleep-deprived Sunita meant in a note written at 2 am while my 2-year-old was boycotting sleep and demanding a string cheese.

How much time do you get to work on creative projects? 

It varies a lot, but I’m trying to lock in dedicated time a few times a month. 

My husband and I are trying something new in this season where we each take one night off a week from the family routine. There’s no prescribed intention for that time, so we can use it for socializing, administrivia, rest, or our creative pursuits. I try to use the time for a little work and a little writing, but sometimes I see friends for coffee or dinner. 

We’ve found this time allows us to be more rested and enables our “cups'' to be full when we’re all together. Personally, it seems to make what little moments I am able to carve out throughout the week for creative practice more fruitful.

How did motherhood change your creative practice? 

Honestly, motherhood blew the whole thing up then brought it back to life. I was barely writing or pursuing any kind of creative practice in the years before having my older child. I was working a lot, lamenting the lack of time for creativity. I briefly took cello lessons, but my only creative outlet was making up funny song lyrics to entertain my colleagues and cope with the stress of work.

When my son was a few months old, I moved to a more copywriting-centric job. That department’s leadership encouraged creativity and professional development by requiring that we take time regularly to write, with the caveat that our writing couldn’t be related to our work. We’d come together as a department to share our work a few times a year. Poetry felt most accessible in this season, so that’s where I started. I’m so grateful for that experience because it helped me rediscover and rebuild a creative practice.

 Specifically related to motherhood, this dedicated writing time gave me room to document my own matrescence, as well as reflect on my own mother’s experience becoming a mother in a new country without any family nearby to help her.

Since then, our family has navigated a number of health issues and diagnoses, including struggles with secondary infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. When we did eventually get pregnant again, there were some complications and our second child spent time in the NICU. Throughout it all, a writing practice continues to be a focal point in the chaos that is motherhood—at times both disorienting and reorienting.

Tell us about a day in your life, how do you fit in creative moments? 

I work for myself from home, and I homeschool, so my days are very full of time with my children. Our approach to homeschooling is pretty relaxed, and I try to be intentional about opportunities to be creative with my kids. I see some of that same fear of doing it wrong bubbling up in one of my kids already, so my focus is on cultivating delight and joy in learning, creating, and trying new things. 

I mentioned we’ve been navigating a variety of diagnoses earlier, and for our family that means we have a lot of appointments during the week. It’s amazing how much I can actually brainstorm or even write while sitting in a waiting room.

I aspire to be the kind of mom who wakes up before her kids, but usually both my creative time and work time happens after they go to bed. My daughter still naps, so that’s usually when my son watches a show and when I also might be able to get a window to write or read for myself.

My husband is also incredibly supportive, and sometimes when I get the itch to sit down and make something happen, he will offer to handle meals or routines solo. This gives me the time I need to get whatever is in my brain out on paper before I lose the stream of thought. 

What’s inspiring you outside of your own genre?

My son is very interested in learning about what feels like every animal in the world. He deeply enjoys curating facts about various creatures and connecting them to each other. 

It’s been inspiring to see his passion and pursuit of new information, and I find myself experiencing a peculiar sort of joy when I’m woken up to a literal quiz about reptiles or types of nocturnal animals.

In my writing life, it’s bringing about some strange and moving reflection, too—about communities, about relationships, about motherhood, about how fleeting life can be. And I’m always grateful for one more way to connect with and learn alongside my kids.

Read Sunita’s full poem at Raising Mothers

How would you like the world to see artists and mothers? 

I don’t know if you meant it this way, but my first thought was, “wow, you’re right, artists and mothers are both so often disregarded and overlooked.”

And I suppose that’s the answer right there: I’d love it if the world considered both creative practices and the practice of motherhood as worthwhile endeavors in and of themselves. 

I catch myself often explaining myself to new people by starting, “I write, stay home and homeschool my kids, AND ….”—then I launch into an explanation of my “real work,” as though neither the work of motherhood nor writing is a sufficient pursuit.

My husband often introduces me by first highlighting that I’m a poet and a mother. Perhaps because I tend to downplay both of those things and he’s proud of me, but perhaps it’s his own way of emphasizing that this work is valuable and critical to a functioning society.

If you had a million dollars to make the world a better place, how would you spend it?

I’d use it to fund grants (and raise money to keep funding grants) to support families who are pursuing unconventional or supplemental educational paths for their children with disabilities. 

This could look like enrichment in addition to traditional school, funding microschools, providing resources and support to homeschooling families, advocacy and legal services—there’s honestly so much that’s needed. It would be transformative for a whole generation of kids who feel overlooked and aren’t being served well.

I think the data is  varied, especially from state to state, but I read one statistic that students with disabilities are anywhere from three to ten times more likely to be arrested than their peers without disabilities. So often, this comes down to a lack of support in the most critical, formative parts of their lives. 

We’re fortunate that when we decided to homeschool in order to best meet our children’s needs, I was able to scale back professionally but still have some income. I still work with a few clients while I lean into being a mom, teacher, caregiver, chauffeur, advocate, and medical billing expert. 

But I know we’re an exception. Many parents are working two and three jobs just to make ends meet right now, and they have no choice but to work with and within a system that can’t always meet their kids’ needs, often due to a sheer lack of support and resources for the people who most want to help our kids in the first place.

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Sunita is a writer, marketing and communications consultant, and a homeschool mom. She is currently in a season of downshift in her career (and her life!). She’s  sharing more about this transition on her Substack.

Sunita has had the privilege of being a poetry mentee in AWP’s Writer to Writer mentorship program, a 2020 VONA workshop attendee, and a 2020 Best of the Net nominee. A second generation Indian-American, Sunita lives and works in Georgia with her husband, two children, and a senior citizen of a dachshund. 

You can connect with her via her website, Instagram (@sunitatheiss), or LinkedIn.

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