Sanobar Sabah: Channeling Emotions into a Safe Place

What did you use to do during recess?

When I was in India between Grade 2 to Grade 5, two of my friends and I would find ourselves some quiet space and dance to Bollywood songs. When I came to the Gulf, my friends and I (having now touched puberty) would hang out in the canteen and split two samosas between five friends for lunch.

Did you think of yourself as a creative kid? What does creativity look like for you these days?

No, I assumed day dreaming was a waste of time. I know better now 😊

Despite being a media and marketing professional all my life, I never saw myself as creative, because I imagined art, and therefore creativity, belonged to the elite. I discovered writing personal essays in my 40s. Losing my father to death stirred something inside me, I felt I needed to tell my story. His story. Our stories.

How much time do you get to work on creative projects?

I don’t get time to work on my writing. I steal time. I snatch time. As a mother to two kids who also has a full-time job, I normally can’t afford a regular routine to write. So, it’s got to be stealing time for now!

How did motherhood change your creative practice?

Motherhood is the force that drives my personal essays. Through my writing, I’m tediously building this bridge for my children so they can find their way to me - someday when they themselves feel lost, when their arrogant youth will make way for their soul-searching adulthood. Writing is the home I imagine that will eventually connect us all through our shared stories.

How does art enrich your life? How does being a mother enrich your art?

I’m a chronic procrastinator. Art is the only obsession I have currently that makes me feel worthwhile. It has helped me connect with fellow mothers, women who’ve been struggling just like me. Women have sent me private messages asking me to never stop writing, and that, is a major gift for someone like me who has always struggled with self-doubt. I see writing our stories as more than just a cerebral practice. It really is the best and the most affordable therapy out there. It’s lovely to witness women writers increasingly using art to claim their space in this patriarchal world.

Being a mother to two stubborn, strong-minded individuals has taught me more lessons about life than anything else ever has. Children who think for themselves and speak for themselves cut you down to size and strip you of any illusion of authority you think you had! They dispel the idea that perfectionism is worth striving for and that it’s okay to be silly and have some fun. My children have given me a second lease at life. Writing as a mother has brought me to accept myself as I am – a normal, flawed human being.

Tell us about a day in your life, how do you fit in creative moments?

I write when I have to work. I then work so I can afford to keep writing and improving my craft.

When do you feel most creative?

My creativity stems from my womb, I write when I feel deeply.

What helps you make time and space for being creative? How do you avoid burn out?

I’m a slave to my writing. I have pulled my car in the middle of a highway, to stop at a gas station and write a personal essay. I have stayed awake until 3 am to write a piece because a particular story had to be told. I’m compelled to write whenever my emotions scream for an outlet.

Writing my story is basically my emotional dysregulation seeking to be channelized into a safe space.

Who would you love to collaborate with? What’s a dream project for you?

I would love to collaborate with fellow writers who are parents, especially mothers of challenging kids. It’ll be a bonus to collaborate with neurodivergent female writers or female writers who are also mothers struggling with mental health.

What’s inspiring you outside of your own genre?

Poetry intrigues me no matter how terrifying it can be for me. It calls to me like an unrequited love affair.

How would you like the world to see artists and mothers?

Like the change makers we are. Artist mothers are rebels with a cause. We are here to shift patriarchy and liberate our daughters and, sons. Hopefully, along the way, we’ll achieve some success with our spouses and brothers too.

What do you do when you feel burnt out or filled with doubt?

I don’t write on cue. I write when I’m driven by an emotion, a compelling thought. That means, writing can be very taxing for me – emotionally and mentally. I don’t stick to a timetable which makes it easy for me to not write on compulsion. I disappear from the scene when I need to.

What’s your favorite super easy creative practice to do when you’re looking for fresh ideas?

One of my mentor writers, also an ND artist,

Raju Tai

has taught me that I don’t have to force myself to be original all the time. I can imitate artists that inspire me, or anything that stimulates my senses. The trick is to use external stimulus to observe the triggers within you. Connect with your senses. In a world that’s constantly bombarding us with distraction, resist by going within.

How can we support and encourage each other more?

Oooooh! I like this one. Join writing communities. The writer Allison Williams and the award-winning writer and professor, Susan Shapiro in a webinar, encouraged participants to be responsible literary citizens. That basically means engage genuinely with fellow artists as opposed to blindly adopting the follow-for-follow crazy algorithm game. Plus, reading others is beneficial to our own learning process and ours is a world of collaboration! We have so much to explore and learn from each other.

I sincerely follow a couple of artists on Substack and social media, I give major shout-outs when their essays resonate with me and, I forward their essays to friends I know would benefit from them. There’s only so much online presence and engagement you can indulge with, especially when you’re a parent. Do not pressure yourself, but do not be shy to be the friend you’d want others to be.

Joining community writing workshops by

Natasha Badhwar

and

Raju Tai

changed my life. I discovered other female writers from the subcontinent and beyond. They introduced me to a non-judgemental and safe safe. Female writers need that. We learned to write just for the sheer pleasure of writing our stories. We read fellow writers and engaged in ways that helped us discover that we’re not alone in this scary journey of life and creativity.

What mothers inspire you? Who should I interview next?

I strongly recommend

Natasha Badhwar

. Natasha has broken all barriers to writing personal essays - not so easy especially when you’re an Indian woman. She’s authored two books where she openly talks about mental health, marrying a partner of another faith, homeschooling children in India – everything that’s a taboo in our culture.

Additionally, she’s hosted 100s of writing workshops, plenty of her students have either gone on to publish their own books, some have recently been featured on Amazon Prime series!

You will love her, I promise (and, I’m not paid to promote her at all lol I just believe the world needs more voices like Natasha’s).

What do you hope your kids will learn about creativity from you?

That creativity is liberating, it literally is food for the soul. Staying disconnected with your creativity, is staying disconnected with yourself. Both my kids are creative – they play music and, they draw. I’ve repeatedly begged them to never stop being creative.

If you had a million dollars to make the world a better place, how would you spend it?

I’m sorry, given how hungrily the powerful and the mighty are feeding on wars at the moment, this is a hard one to tackle :/

If there was a movie version of your life, who would you like to play you and what story do you want her to tell?

Meryl Streep in the Bridges of Madison County brilliantly played the sensitive portrayal of a mother who wanted to share her unfiltered story with her children. The movie stayed with me long after I watched it. I wondered if it was fair for her kids to deal with the burden of their mother’s guilt. Then again, did she ever feel guilty? Why would she share her story with her children if not to liberate them of the burden of being a human, especially a woman. I think we need more such movies that stop idolizing female sacrifices and portray us in our raw, honest selves.

If you could give everyone a small treat, what would it be?

A non-judgemental listening ear. 

If you had a free hour, how would you spend it? What about a free day?

Eat. Sleep. Write. Repeat.

What would you bring to a favorites party?

Hugs and flowers.

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Sanobar Sabah, a marketing and communications specialist, found her love for writing personal essays in her 40s. With roots in India and shoots growing in the UAE for three generations now, home is a topic that constantly invites and irks her. Humbled by two human babies – a 16-year-old boy and an 11-year-old girl – as well as two feline ones, Sanobar finds comfort in coffee, croissants and stories. She has discovered liberation from the pressures of motherhood by admitting that she has much more to learn from her kids, than to teach them.

Her essays have recently been featured in, Newsweek, Memoir Land, Ochre Sky Stories, FemAsia and Journal D'Ambroisie. She is frequently found challenging patriarchy and the idea of perfection on Substack and Instagram.

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