Oohs and Aahs for 9.13.24

A few things that helped me survive the summer

Oh my goodness…the conversations on repeat, the all-day negotiations, the packing the car and driving to new places only to turn around because it’s too new…the endless co-regulation!

I went in knowing in this summer would be demanding, and as expected, it was a potent mix of sensory overload, negative feedback, and heartbreakingly slow progress, along with hard task after hard task, not knowing if it was worth it. During the summer, I have less control over my schedule. I rarely get a chance to do what I want to do. Many times I have more than three needs that haven’t been met. (Do you ever realize you need to go to the bathroom, eat, talk to a friend, sleep, and watch something funny all at once, and you can’t do any of those things?) In short, this summer was hard.

I also went into summer with the intention of taking care of myself while I took care of my son, because when he thrives, I thrive, and when I thrive, he thrives. Of course, that is SO much easier said than done, but here are a few things that made it easier to keep going. (They’re not exclusive to summer, so I’m sharing them in case you are going through an intense season too.)

Letting go of any pressure to “embrace summer”

I like the idea of turning the sprinklers on and eating popcicles outside, but my son still needs a lot of supervision and support with activities that might appear low lift. I also know sitting outside in the intense heat will not make me more patient. It will make me exceedingly grumpy. So much of our summer was spent inside, in the air conditioning. We got our steps in at the mall. We watched the Olympics. We had exactly two play dates. That’s what we could handle.

Minimizing choices

There’s nothing worse than scrolling through Netflix and not being able to decide what to watch. It just feels like a waste of time, and I end up feeling crummy. So I try to decide what I’m going to do ahead of time where I can. This summer that meant I ate the same foods almost every day. I plowed my way through Brooklyn Nine-Nine every night. I read all the Thursday Night Mystery Club books. When I had time to play in my sketchbook, I drew my version of portals over and over. It felt really good to know how I was going to spend my free time. Would 20-year-old Heidi think this was boring? For sure. But 44-year-old Heidi was very glad to keep things simple.

Trusting the timing

Years ago, when our son had surgery, I asked the doctor how long the surgery would be. He said, “It takes as long as it takes.” It was annoyingly vague answer at the time, but I’ve come to appreciate it years later. He wasn’t going to rush or stop before the job was done. The stakes are much lower in publishing, but it requires so much patience. I’ve had two books out on submission for MONTHS, and while I’ve gotten a couple definitive passes, it’s mostly been radio silence. At the same time, I’m working on my next manuscript, and it’s slow, slow, slow too. But slow progress is still progress. And I don’t get to control the timing. I do get to decide if I want to keep going. (I do.) The rest is really out of my control.

Realigning again and again

It is SO easy to end the day feeling frustrated and defeated. My mind is quick to notice the discouraging, the worrisome, and the draining. Those things are real. But so are the glimmers. So I kept a little art journal, just for the summer, where I drew a quick sketch and wrote just a phrase or two to remind myself of some of the good moments that would be easy to forget in the angst. I didn’t write in it every night, sometimes I just managed one glimmer a week. But I loved looking back at my journal when I was feeling low and needed a reminder that the summer wasn’t 100% dismal. Like everything else, we want having a positive mindset to be a one-time task, but I actually need to check in with myself every single day, often every hour (!) to listen to my self talk and think about if there’s something I could do to genuinely enjoy myself a little in the midst of everything. What did I record in my glimmer journal?

• Putting up the bounce house 🏰

• Watching my son’s first professional haircut✂️

• Finding a splash pad in the woods🌲

• Admiring the ribbon installation at the botanical gardens🌈

• Making sushi bowls for lunch🍣

• Getting to see Gatsby with my mom🤩

• Coming out from quiet time to find a squig rainbow carefully placed on the stairs😍

• Taking a million pictures of sprinkers and putting them in an album on my phone📱(I also printed a tiny book my son could take to school with him, and he loves it!)

• Getting a compliment on my sunglasses from someone in her twenties😎

• Holding hands in IKEA as we tried to get our steps in without melting🥵

• Singing along to Mama Nous in the car 🎼

• Seeing my son finally have the bandwidth to start building something new in his room ⚙️

• Setting up a proper easel in our bedroom 🎨

• Lifting weights even though it made zero sense with my schedule 🏋️‍♂️

• Noticing how much more my son can do this summer than last 👏

• Reading Norma and Belly books with him 📙

• Watching my son run through the house carrying a long line of packing bubbles yelling, “I’m in the Olympics!” 🥇

• Visiting our local sunflower farm 🌻

• Cheering on Kamala Harris 🥥

I would love to hear what glimmers shined through your summer chaos in the comments!

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I’m delighted to be teaching a four-week class on Finding Your Star: How to Write a Picture Book for Children for The Porch. Over the last year I’ve been getting to know the Porch writing community, which is based out of Tennessee but is also lively online, and everyone I’ve met has been wonderfully bookish, warm, and talented.

This is the first live class I’ve taught in quite a while, and I’m excited to get to know you and your work better. This workshop will help you understand what makes picture books so special and how you can write your own. You’ll learn how to develop a picture-book character from scratch and take them on an adventure. Each week we’ll read modern picture books like Hortense and the Shadow, Loujain Dreams of Sunflowers, and Rot: The Cutest in the World. Then we’ll experiment with writing prompts, brainstorm, problem solve, and cheer each other on, as we create our own book magic.

You can come to class knowing nothing about children’s literature and leave with confidence and fresh ideas. But you can also get feedback on your WIP if you have one. By the end, you can expect to have a strong framework for writing a picture-book manuscript and a clear understanding of the publishing process. You’ll leave feeling energized and inspired in new ways.

We start October 1st!

PS

You can get a sneak peek at some of the books we’ll be reading together here.

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This Week I’m…

• Encouraging you to sign up for the Mental Health and Motherhood Conference—especially if summer was hard on you too 💛

• Reading

  Lincoln Michel
  ’s take on AI books with interest ✏️

• Hoping someone buys this handmade Gruffalo sweater 🐭

• Wondering about the inner life of kids🛝

• Cheering on xoxopublishinggg and glad to see it getting some LitHub love 🤫

• Gushing about this MG gem! 🧦

• Begging you to read the latest George Saunders wisdom👏

• Getting ready to send out another round of digi Hire-Me Packets to publishers—send me a message if you know someone I should work with!

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If you enjoyed this post, please forward it to your favorite creative mothers. And if you’re a writer on Substack, consider recommending Nebula Notebook, so your readers can join this warm community too.

PS—The fastest way to grow as a writer is to book a manuscript critique or a creative coaching session with an expert.

My clients get agents, sell books, and win awards. They also learn how to find ease and joy in the creative process, so they can keep going when life gets hard.