Oohs and Aahs for 3.7.25

What to do when you feel like quitting

When I talk with clients and friends, often after we’ve covered everything else, someone says, “Maybe I should just give up. Why am I doing this? It’s way too hard.” This happens in conversations with new writers, award winning writers, best selling writers, and wonderfully talented writers that you would HATE to see never publish a book again. But the truth is almost every writer I know has thought about quitting.

A lot.

Like an embarrassing amount.

You too may have considered quitting. Maybe a few times. Or a hundred times. Sometimes it seems like the only reasonable thing to do.

Here’s what I do when I want to quit:

• Sleep on it. A nap can be a real reset. At the very least, you’re less likely to do something rash after a nap.

• Take a break. Could be short or long. Could just be a walk! Or it might be for the whole summer. But intentionally saying “Not now, maybe later” can take the pressure off.

• Read something totally outside of my genre. If I feel up to it, I might read in my genre and take notes, but even that can make me grouchy when I’m really burnt out.

• Journal about my writing process. What feels good? What is stressing me out? How can I do more of what is working?

• Take some other non-essentials off my to-do list. See how that feels. Does it make writing seem more possible? How do you want to spend your time and energy when there’s a little more space in your schedule?

• Imagine life as a non-writer in as much detail as possible. Does it give you a sense of relief or joy? Or does it feel flat and boring?

• Read or watch biographies of artists who worked in obscurity. (This Hilma af Klimt one is inspiring!)

• Talk to a writing friend who really gets it. This needs to be someone you can be totally honest with! Maybe that’s your agent, but it’s probably not. It might not even be your critique partner or your writing group. It needs to be someone who understands the writing life and won’t rush to judgement or worry about what it means for them if you quit writing. (This is one way that working with a coach can be helpful!)

The truth is, it’s ok to quit. No one needs you to write your book. You are still a good person if you aren’t a writer. You’re still an interesting person, for goodness sakes.

If you’re like me, hearing this makes you think “But I want to write!”

Every time I take a break, I miss it. I start scribbling notes on receipts. I get new ideas. I text myself random phrases that I don’t want to forget. After a while, it’s clear that I don’t actually want to give up writing. I want to stop stressing about the publishing process, and it would probably help to loosen my grip on any imaginary timelines I’ve given myself for succeeding.

If you’re fantasizing about quitting, maybe take a break and give yourself a chance to miss writing.

Or…

Or!

There’s always an or!

Give yourself the gift a coaching session.

(If you’ve been wanting to work together, now is the time! I have about three more months to book new clients before my son is home for the summer, although I might bend the rules a little if there’s a juicy project. 🙊)

I think of coaching as a kind of gentle therapy practice, but there’s also lots of practical, step-by-step guidance. Coaching gives us a chance to talk about EVERYTHING outside of the manuscript like:

• Quitting

• Developing a writing process that feels fun and easy

• Querying a agents

• Leaving an agent

• Choosing your next project

• All the feedback you keep getting and not knowing what to do with

• Experimenting with a new genre

• Starting a project

• Finishing a project

• Finding ways to actually enjoy the creative process

• Balancing creativity and LIFE stuff

If you’re ready to turn your idea into a book, you can:

• Book an hour and energize your writing with actionable, totally customized advice

• Dedicate a month to getting unstuck, with a month of confidential, generous emails

• Invest in a season of accountability and get the personalized, hands-on guidance you need to transform your creative life

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This Week I’m…

• Squealing at the comments section in the latest 4,000 Ideas post (I’ve really found my people in this niche within a niche!) 🤩

• Thinking if you like Oliver Burkeman, you’ll appreciate this 💀

• Loving

  Skin of Our Teeth
  ’s take on the unrelenting nature of making dinner 🥦

• Sharing what helps me stay calm and not totally lose it during our son’s meltdowns on

  A Wonderful Mess
  😬

• Preordering Amanda’s new book How to Handle More Than You Can Handle 📔

• Thanking Ezra Klein for pushing people to think about AI in way more detail, because there’s a total economic transformation coming and we have no plan 👏

• Trying to decide how to feel about the studies referenced in this Forbes article about how desperate caregivers are for respite—maybe it’s the nature of the format but this conversation made me feel seen in a much more personal way 💕

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Nebula Notebook is a place to meet kindred spirits, get inspired, and learn how to find ease and joy in the creative process—even when life is bananas. 🍌🍌🍌

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✏️ PS—The fastest way to grow as a writer is to book a manuscript critique or a creative coaching session with an expert. My clients get agents, sell books, and win awards. They also learn how to enjoy the creative process, so they can keep going when life gets hard. 👏