Oohs and Aahs for 3.21.25

Befriending rejection

I’ve been writing for over 20 years now, and that means I’ve heard some version of the word NO a lot. Sometimes it’s a nice “No, thank you.” Other times it’s more like a silent “See yourself out.” Every so often it’s an “I wish we lived in a parallel universe where I could say yes, but no.”

Sigh.

I know a lot of writers struggle with rejection. It’s crummy to ask for permission to share the art you’ve poured your heart and soul into. When someone says NO, it feels like it has to mean something, and if it means something, it can’t be something good. 😩

But there’s zero chance that you’re going to get a YES if you never submit.

Deciding not to submit is basically saying no to yourself before someone else can. That might protect your pride a bit, but it won’t help you get published. All writers must learn to befriend rejection or at least find a way to make peace with it. Here are a few ways you might reframe pitching, submitting, and rejection.

• How can you feel as good as possible about this project before you send it out in the world? At this moment, you’re the only one who gets to decide if the work is done and the vision has been brought to life. Enjoy this moment!

• How can you feel as good as possible about being a living breathing human being before you send it out in the world? Are you ready to watch your work enter the world and transition from being your art to being a product that can be bought and sold? Naps help me. You might wait to submit until you’ve done some exercise or eaten lunch. (This sounds silly, but you absolutely need some emotional and energetic reserves to weather the submission process.)

• Can you share and celebrate your work in small ways without compromising the submission process? Sneak peeks, feedback from friends, and marking the occasion (even if you’re by yourself) can give you the momentum you need to believe in the project and keep going.

• What if rejection is a reflection of the market not of the quality of your work? What if everything is working out for you? What if it’s just not the right time? Or you’re not the right person (YET)? The less personal you make this phase of the process, the better.

• Who else can you pitch? Who are the people you want to work with reading/listening to/interested in? Can you work with those people? What if they say yes? They might not be your first choice, but they might be just as good or get you in front of the people you’re most excited about.

• What else can you work on? You might experiment with a totally new genre or medium. Or you might simply start your next project. But giving yourself a place to put your creative energy can help make you less interested in what happens to the project that’s out on submission.

• How can you make the process fun? Can you give yourself a little treat every time you submit? Or track your submissions with stickers? Text a friend to get a virtual high five? The more rewarding you can make the submission process, the easier it will be to keep going.

If you’re still struggling with rejection, book a coaching session. Let’s get into it, and figure out what will truly help you move forward so you can get the YES that you deserve. There’s magic in feeling seen.

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This Week I’m…

• Hoping you’re going to submit a proposal to present at this year’s Mental Health and Motherhood Summit (So glad to see

  Chanel Riggle
  is bringing this back! Check out my recap if you’re wondering what it’s all about.) 💛

• Appreciating this graphic breakdown on the DOE mess 😬

• Reading the latest Henry book with my son who is also pretty freaked out by picture day 📸

• Enjoying this look at kids and their imaginary friends 👻

• Laughing at this spot-on send up of trad wife influencers (So good!) 🫙

• Loving

  Sarah Allen
  ’s take on the age-old question of “should” creatives be generalists or specialists? 🎨

• Welcoming all the spring vibes 🌸

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Nebula Notebook is a place to meet kindred spirits, get inspired, and learn how to find ease and joy in the creative process—even when life is bananas. 🍌🍌🍌

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✏️ PS—The fastest way to grow as a writer is to book a manuscript critique or a creative coaching session with an expert. My clients get agents, sell books, and win awards. They also learn how to enjoy the creative process, so they can keep going when life gets hard. 👏