How to Query Agents Without Losing Your Mind

An empathetic guide

If you’re new here, you might not know I’m on my fourth agent. Yes. FOURTH.

I’m happy to say my current agent is my favorite agent. (Hi, Emelie!)

But it took a long time to get to this point.

I used to feel like having more than one agent was something to be ashamed of. I thought it meant something about me. Now I know it means much more about the industry. I’ve talked with so many writers who have had similar agent dramas, and it’s all heartbreaking. We’ve been taught that if we’re transparent about our frustration and self doubt that we’re putting our careers at risk or being unprofessional. These unspoken rules can leave writers feeling very alone, but the reality is that a lot of writers struggle with finding an agent, leaving their agent, finding a new agent, and negotiating everything in between.

When I signed with my first agent, I thought we would work together for the next 40 or 50 years. That’s kind of how people talk about signing with an agent, as though you’re getting married. But now that I’m a little farther along in my career (and I’ve bought a house), I think hiring a realtor might be a better analogy. When you sign with a literary agent, you’re hiring someone to help you navigate a process that would be difficult to handle on your own, just like when you’re buying a house. And just like when you’re looking for a house, it helps to work with someone you like and trust, someone who gets what you’re looking for and wants to see you succeed. But that doesn’t mean you have to LOVE your realtor or find your soul mate. You just need to be able to make money together. That’s what agents are good at: making money. And if someone thinks your books can make money, they’ll want to work with you. That can feel a little depressing, but I think it’s good to be clear on the nature of the relationship and not read more into it when something feels off.

I’ve known a couple writers who have built long careers for themselves, but it wasn’t easy, and they’re definitely the exception to the rule:

If you want to be published traditionally, you need an agent to sell your manuscript.

So how do you do that without losing your mind?

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